Gratitude

I took a layoff at work (that is what my paperwork says) so I can spend more time with my ailing parentals. That’s what I’ve been thinking about today. A. Lot.

I finally found it. The perfect job. I wasn’t seriously looking, it just fell into my lap; pretty much literally. Everything about it just “fit”. Until the end of the first week, that is.

I got the news that my dad had been given 3-6 months due to a pulmonary disease that he’s been fighting for years. I have to admit at first it didn’t really hit me hard, or at all for that matter. I just started a new job, I was happy and I just couldn’t think about that right then, so I pushed my emotions down to the bottom of my guts where they managed to stay buried for a few more weeks.

It took almost six weeks for it to fester and when it did finally emerge, it exploded like Mount St. Helens did back in 1980. I’m an ugly crier so let me tell you, it was painful for everyone who had to witness that.

Anyway, I realized that I had already spent 1/4 – 1/2 of dads time sitting behind a desk (even though I really liked it a lot) working and I hadn’t even had time to go visit and calling is not a viable option (he gets winded very easily which results in severe coughing fits).

I guess I’ve been feeling a bit guilty today. Guilty for wasting 6 weeks of precious time. Guilty for leaving a job I just got (did I mention I really liked it?). Guilty for a lot of things, really. I did finally come to terms with that guilt, however, and I have turned it into gratitude. What!? Yes, gratitude. I. Am. Grateful.

I am grateful to be surrounded by people who care and understand, even if I’ve put them in a difficult situation. Grateful for a husband that is encouraging and kind (even if a lot of people don’t see that side of him). Grateful for the opportunity to spend extra time with my parents and my family that a lot of people don’t get. After talking to a few good friends and family members I realized that even though this is a very rough and unstable time, I will never regret my decision.

Time is one thing you can never get back. Hug the people you love, hold them close, tell them you love them. You never really know how much time you have left or when it might be the last time you had that chance. Don’t let it slip past. ❤

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