Unevenness

I think this post is really about uneven friendships and how they can be damaged. I still love my friend, I just realized that sometimes people take more than they can give.

Drama, not my thing. Never has been. I put up with it from some of my friends but never participate, and I call it like I see it. Most of them appreciate that, those that don’t keep their distance. I like to thinkĀ  I am a “true friend” because I don’t judge or try to belittle anyone for how they are. Everyone is different, unique and come with their own quirks, oddities and life choices. Not everyone is a “true friend”.

I know this person that tells me everything. I mean EVERYTHING! I listen, give advice and tell them when I think they’re wrong or making stupid choices. What’s sad is the one time I really needed that perosn for a legitimate reason, not some high school drama crap they treated me like shit. What’s really the shittiest part is that I never expected that and it stung a little. I was definately taken aback.

I’ve been down, like literally down for almost 2 months for medical reasons that I won’t elaborate on here except to say it involved unexpected emergency surgery and a very long recovery period. So, I went to this person hoping for some cheering up, words of wisdom or just some company and she tells me she doesn’t know what to tell me and that she’s sure my other friends have tried to cheer me up and that I should be happy to be alive. Then, no response back for days… still waiting. Wow. Really?

Number 1, I am very happy to be alive and I thank God every day. Number 2, that doesn’t make every day easy to get through when you’re used to being very active and suddenly you can’t do anything. I think this post is really about uneven friendships and how they can be damaged. I still love my friend, I just realized that sometimes people take more than they can give. I mean I already knew that, for sure I’ve had my fair share of that in my life. but there’s just some people you think are different… until they’re not.

I honestly feel like I’ve lost something. Like I already had a feeling of loss and misery and then someone I trusted with my life added to my feelings of loss. I’m not sure how to describe that. Since I’ve never been one to ask for or accept help it was shocking that the one time I did, I got shut down. People wonder why I don’t open up and let anyone know “me”, I guess this is an example of why. One thing I do know is that I am resilient. I have been through some tough stuff before and while I always make it out “different” I always make it out “stronger” and “wiser”.

~Jane

 

 

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