Lists and stuff…

Oh hey, let’s get back on track here. Where were we? Oh! Lists.

I used to be a crastinator, then I went pro. I didn’t make that up but I love it and it fits!

It’s going into fall, my favorite time of the year. Time to make my lists. I make a list for everything, there’s even a list of lists! A girl has to keep organized, especially when she is a procrastinator. I’m not saying the things on my list don’t get done, they do (mostly) but a lot of times its last-minute. I’ve come to accept the fact that, that is how I roll and I do my best work under pressure and impending deadlines.

I have to admit this summer was a bust for the most part. It started out great then mid July it took a turn. I pretty much dumped my lists in the trash after that. No sense going over them constantly and not being able to make those, oh so satisfying, check marks. It was depressing. Time to start over with the new season! Granted, I will have to make sure I make my lists within reason, particularly the To Do List. Baby steps, is what they say. I say, grandma steps. I feel like that is a bit more sophisticated. Ha!

So, we are going away for the long weekend and I still have a “few” things to get done (remember, I work best under pressure) before we leave early in the morning. The problem I have right now is thinking about my lists and where to start. Logic tells me to start with September’s house projects and updates, move on to October’s decor and Halloween shenanigans, then November… you get where I’m going with it. My heart tells me to start with my Christmas gift list. This will be my granddaughters first Christmas and I don’t want to go overboard but I want it to be special. What needs to happen is for me to start sewing on her quilt. Which is kind of funny since I haven’t finished my own kids’ quilts yet. How much would you like to bet the baby’s gets done first? 😉

Another thing about me and my lists… I like pretty paper. I like pretty office supplies in general but I love paper. I REALLY love the Me and My Big Idea planners. This is my second year of owning one. They are so pretty with their inspirational quotes and you can decorate them with colored pens and stickers. I even bought the instant camera that shoots out pictures that are stickers, they fit perfectly in the boxes provided on each day of the week. Notice that what I said is I own one, I have to admit that after the first few weeks or maybe a couple of months I lose interest in filling it out daily. I don’t know, I can’t really say I lose interest as much as I think I’ll do it later, but don’t. I think we’ve gone over this…

Oh hey, let’s get back on track here. Where were we? Oh! Lists. Yeah, so I don’t think I have any pretty paper suitable for fall/winter list making so a trip to Michaels is probably in my near future. I’m going to have hours of riding in the car time to work on this so I’m going to have to write on boring plain paper and transfer to “final draft” on fancy paper. I guess this is good because my first draft is always a mess and I don’t really like wasting my good stock. Now, let’s talk pens. I have a very large array of pens. Ball point, sharpie, gel… in pretty much any color you might need. I tend to collect pens as much as I do paper (my paper stock is 95% scrapbook paper). However, it is time to go through and check them and throw out the bad ones.

Oh wow, look what time it is!! I HAVE to go finish getting ready for the long weekend! The husband is going to text me on his break and ask me if I’m about done and I’m going to say, “Yes, of course! What do you think I’ve been doing all morning”? The truth is, he knows me and he knows that when he gets home I’m going to ask him to help me with something I should have already had done. Good thing he loves me and thinks I’m cute because damn, I’m not sure I could put up with a person like myself. Ha!

Happy Labor Day weekend!

~Jane

DARKNESS

I find myself in the dark, often. I mean literally, in the dark. No lights on, going about my daily routine. Not pitch black, just dark. I don’t mind working in the dark, in fact, I prefer it. Why, I don’t know but I have a speculation.

I’ve always been a private person, quite, reserved, alone. I’ve never let anyone in, not completely. It’s sad, really when you think about it. As a kid, I was constantly surrounded by people, I have 3 siblings, yet still I was lonely. Afraid to speak up and be heard, fearful of being judged or made fun of for my thoughts and emotions. In my house no one could be heard over my mother and sister, so I was the listener filling my head full of useless pieces of knowledge that would eventually make me really good at Trivia. But, that is beside the point here…

I know I can’t be the only one afraid to let anyone know the real them, am I? I don’t know why I feel alone most of the time even when there are people around. Maybe because I don’t like conflict or judgement? Mostly I’m not a fan of disappointment. I’ve had more than my fair share of that. Sometimes I wonder if that isn’t my fault in some way. Are my expectations too high? Is that what leads to inevitable dissatisfaction? Do I need to lower my requirements of people? I don’t want to settle or sell myself short but am I anyway?

Alone in my thoughts and my darkness.

~Jane